I chopped two pieces of wood last night. Two! It is the first wood I have chopped for a month! I played with the dog! I took out the trash!
I guess none of this stuff is miraculous, since I have not fully shut down my life for these blasted shingles, but I did these things without pain. It could have been the right moment when the pain meds and chicken wings were finding harmony in my belly. It could have been the 18th glass of water.
No matter, because what I felt was the deep ingrained gratitude peaking it’s little presence back into my heart. I love taking out the trash. It is this mundane requirement that has to be done yet, for me, it signifies a home and stability that I have never had before. Taking out the trash; what a gift!
NYE doggo.
And then, my sweet boy, my puppers, my doggo, my friend, wanted to play. He accompanied me outside for trash removal, then all, of a sudden, yet right on schedule, was wound for sound running circles around me. I’m out back in the dark searching for a toy while he circles me over and over getting some energy out. Pretty sure he was just picking up on my excitement of feeling better. What a ham.
Zoomies followed when I found a bone, gave it to him and then pretended to try taking it away, a little game we play on the regular. Me standing in the middle of the yard clapping him on while he tears about. He’s such a good boy. Best doggo friend I ever had.
I don’t want to jinx it. In fact, stop reading this! Go say three Hail Mary’s or knock on some wood. I have been to the doctor twice, out of the office working from home for a month, and generally just miserable. Operating at 50% would feel like a summer vacation, so let’s just keep this on the down-low so we don’t jinx it.
I still haven’t tried a bra. I don’t have the moon this weekend, so there is time to relax. I’d like to go back to work Monday. My work from home doc note is expiring.
Oof. Thoughts and prayers please. We could be on our way to healing. For my next trick, I will continue to be patient with myself because I have heard that the healing is slow. Even though this partial recovery appears to have come from nowhere, I know that is not true.
I miss my mom when she’s gone, but guess what dog boy, I can take care of myself for days on end.
Gratitude list: HP as often as I remember to check in, self-care out the yingyang, a fully supportive partner, Isabella Moon, a job that has worked so well with me, a loving support system outside my home, my extended family, comfy clothes, constant fires, candles, sleep, medicine and medication, books, writing, new habits within new struggle, humor, Netflix, diligence, ah, discipline, doggo, cat, my bed, my couch, sleep, personal time and space, KU basketball, weekend road trips, sponsees, continued mental health work and growth, patience, showers, a peaceful home, and chocolate.
I don’t think I chose this, do we ever, but I seem to be in a period of extreme growth. I would say that I am quite comfortable and even insist on a nice slow growth. That routine is built into my life! This appears to be X Games growth.
My youngest brother recently had a baby. For some reason, I saw this as an opportunity to visit and put his family first. I come from a large loud family and individuals, maybe even family sections can get lost within the whole.
My addiction caused me to miss a lot and my little Terry (who is a 35 year old man with four kids) is no exception. Not to mention that they do not live in Colorado anymore. They live right down the street near Ellsworth.
By the end of the blown tire day, I was full of self doubt, slight self pity, and what the hell-ness. Terry and fam had shopping Saturday, we had a blown tire. Sunday, they decided to go to the zoo. That seemed perfect, so Ang, Belly, and I hopped in the car and met them at Great Bend Zoo.
We arrived before the other clan so insert tomfoolery.
These two got to work being hams. Dab? I think it’s called dabbing. We discovered it was a good way to teach Belly to cough into her elbow as well. Surfin’ Safari. Monkey see, monkey do. Tree pose.Enter the star of the show! Supporting cast. One of the two Bella Babes.
The zoo was so much fun, nice weather for January. The kiddos raced here and there while Terry pulled a wagon and his beloved, Sarah pushed a stroller. I hobbled along wondering why everyone was so darn fast.
As I said, my sweet little brother has four kids. He’s like a full grown adult who is responsible for other people’s lives and stuff. I hope he enjoys it, because he seems good at being a daddy. He pulled Wyatt in the wagon and explained things to the two Bella Babes when they stopped long enough for conversation. Cooper was dead weight in the stroller pushed by Sarah as she chatted and pointed out zoo things.
The Bella Babes, nicknamed by my Daddy. Isabella and Arabella. These kiddos are like 20 days apart in age. We discovered the lion was stalking Wyatt because Terry was pulling him in a cart that looked similar to the food cart. Insert multiple jokes about feeding children to lions. Eye on the prize and the prize is a tasty child.
Isabella wanted to hold Cooper. She made it known to me from the beginning of the weekend, and I wasn’t sure of the plan, so I told her to let Sarah know her wishes. I think she did that, but I backed it up by letting Terry know. We followed them back to their house and Belly and I both got to feed and hold Cooper.
Reprise of Cooper after napping through the zoo.
Terry and Sarah have a BEAutiful home. Sarah calls it “The Money Pit” from a hilarious 80’s movie. Terry says it reminds him of the home we grew up in, over 100 years old. We got the full tour guided by Arabella. Terry’s eldest, Mavrik joined us after helping his Grandpa do some shopping, and retired to his room like a teenager. Then we just settled in and hung out. It was so wonderful. Wyatt had a movie on, Terry and Ang played games on their phones, the Bella Babes played games all over the house, I cuddled my newest nephew, and Sarah flitted about the house like a doting mom, checking laundry, helping Wyatt with a bath, and appearing after a time to announce she’d been preparing dinner.
Teriyaki chicken and rice with steamed broccoli. And oh what a feast. We all sat down as a family at this beautiful giant table and shared a meal. Reminder that I am from a large family of yellers. There was never a loud or cross word spoken. All were called to the table and it was so nice that I am struggling to find the words.
My loves.Apologies to Sarah for not getting a better pic, but look at this domestic goddess! Baby in one hand, fork in the other.
After dinner, we quickly came upon a deadline of my 8pm breathalyzer. I didn’t have it with me. Part of my joint custody agreement is that I take a breathalyzer at 8pm every night that I have Bella. When we left at 3pm, I thought, all we have to do is be home by 8pm. This should be no problem. We were having so much fun that 8pm came up rather quick. After revealing to Bella that we would have to get going, I was instructed to “just bring it with you from now on, Mom.” Noted.
The Bella Babes saying goodbye.
We thanked our gracious hosts and headed for Ellsworth. While I felt bad for not bringing the breathalyzer, I also think god had a hand in helping us get out of there in a timely manner. I’m sure Terry and Sarah wanted to start the bedtime routine with their brood.
My sweet little brother Terry, and that’s how I have always seen him, is this big grown up guy with a longtime steady job and a whole entire family. I still remember this kid as the kid who used to visit me at Java in Manhattan asking for whipped cream on his chocolate chip cookie.
Here is where my most recent sobriety still feels so new. I am sober and back in the lives of anyone who wants me, but they have lives and families that go back much farther than two and a half years. Since my sobriety and their moving back to Kansas from Colorado, I have done an amazing job at building a relationship with my folks. I thought it was high time that I put some of that effort into my baby brother, his lovely person, and my niece and nephews, not to mention the cousin factor for Bella.
It’s not all rainbows and puppy kisses as Terry and my folks have things going on that don’t involve me and possibly go back farther than my sobriety. So I started work to maintain boundaries and individual relationships. I have worked to get into the lives of my folks. We have a good relationship. The same can be true for Terry.
The weekend was about Cooper and his amazing family, and we achieved the start I was looking for. My gratitude speaks…
The Isms of the Ic 