Parenting. I am going to keep talking about it. Keep processing. Putting things on paper. When Bella was born, I knew what I was doing. Then some stuff happened, and now I don’t.
I don’t know how hard to be on her. I don’t know how far to push her. I don’t know what to let her get away with and what to call her on. I don’t know what she can handle or what might send her into real struggles.
She claims to have anxiety. She misses a lot of school because of it. So much so that it makes me nervous and I’m not sure there is anything I can do about it. She has taste and sound issues. I don’t know enough about autism to put here anywhere on the spectrum. Is she just a picky kid? Would she have been this way if I hadn’t had the time away from her?
If I switch from her to me, what I can I do? What have I already done? I have never, in my adult life, thought about what things were like for me as a kid, than I have in the past 1-2 years having her back in my life part time. And of course there is blame. Would she be this way if I had never been away from her? Who gets the blame there? Blame is defined as the discharging of pain, but if I am blaming myself, then I am discharging the pain that I already hold on to myself. That sounds dangerous. If I blame her other mother, that sounds like a great way to not take accountability for my part. Can we do no blame? It is what it is? Sure. See paragraph 2.
I want her to think for herself, but I also want her to be polite! I want her to do whatever the hell she wants to do, but I also want her to go to bed on time. I want her to eat what someone cooks or serves for dinner. I want her to learn to relax and take it easy without instantly becoming bored.
The Isms of the Ic 