Today I was brave. I don’t want to have to be brave just to send my daughter birthday presents. Anger swells. Anxiety presents.
I mailed Isabella her birthday presents. I sent her 4 books, some bath paint, and a couple little art projects. I recorded myself reading her the stories on my YouTube page. We used to read almost nightly (on Facebook Live!) and I really thought she would like this idea, the books and the videos. She can read along in her books while I read them to her despite the physical distance. I know that she will want the books. And she loves little art projects, last I knew anyway.
One might think that this would be a wonderful and joyful thing. Since I cannot be there, I hoped to be able to be there in spirit. But most of what I am experiencing is fear. Anxiety. Depression. My heart is happy with my effort knowing that I did everything in my power to celebrate my daughter’s 5th birthday with her. I cannot help but wonder if she will be allowed the presents, be allowed to watch the videos. Sending these presents was extremely dangerous for me, emotionally unsafe. I pray this is a non-event meaning I don’t experience any backlash. Maybe I will be allowed to simply mail presents to my daughter for her birthday. I can only do what is in my power and leave the rest to the Universe.
The Isms of the Ic 
Proud of you lady for the courage to walk through this in faith!! I believe you really went above and beyond, with nothing but love in those gifts! I’ll share my experience, even when I was away from my child I still sent cards, letters, pictures and gifts! His told me that, he always gave them to him, and that my son had the pictures on the wall. I truly believe me doing those small but huge things played a huge role, for when I was ready, and came back into his life. He knew I still loved him despite my bad life choices! I believe in this so much! Love you!
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Wow! Hols, this is a great idea. I hope it works for you & Isabella. I used to watch those video bookreadings & loved them myself. I too hope it works for a happy birthday 🎂 for Bella. I’m sure she has a hole in her life for you. I also pray that you receive the gift of forgivness. I 💘 💘 you Mom
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Thanks, mom.
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Thank you. I’ll keep it in mind. Love you.
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Beautiful 🙂
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